Change of Plans...
Hello everybody! Hope this post finds you well. It hasn't even been two full days since I've been back in the states from my latest venture to Europe, and already this decision has been weighing on me heavily. Before I get too far into explaining myself, let me go back to the beginning.
On Thursday, May 28th, my best friend Kaitie and I arrived at Denver International Airport, passports in hand and backpacks stuffed full of clothes perfect for England in early June. The plan was the arrive in England and explore the city and to visit the University I was intent on studying at this coming September, as well as travel to Manchester and Brighton and basically spend a week backpacking around the country I was soon to call home. Unfortunately, our flight out got cancelled (I'll explain more in my next post which will be all about this trip), and we didn't have as much time in London as we had originally expected. Luckily, we were still able to tour the campus of the University of Roehampton, which is in southwest London, about half an hour's tube ride from central London.
The campus was absolutely stunning, and I was in love with it from the very beginning. There were sprawling grounds with beautiful fountains and flowers blooming everywhere. Students milled about and participated in school sanctioned activities, enjoying the small burst of warmer weather London was currently experiencing. Spring term was out for summer already, but there were plenty of students still on campus and it felt warm and inviting. It was incredible and everything I was hoping it would be. The more we worked our way through the campus, however, the quieter and more lost in thought I got. Sure, it was amazing, but suddenly it all felt so real. I tried to picture myself walking through the hallways, eating in the cafes, working out in the gym. For some reason, I couldn't actually picture myself there now that I was actually seeing it.
To be honest, it scared me. Suddenly seeing this amazing school, talking to all these amazing people, my impending move and uprooting of my life to attend school here felt so close all of a sudden. I decided to try not to think about it until I got back home, but it wasn't possible. Everything I did from then on reminded me of the fact that in a couple of months I would be here, on my own, four thousand miles away from my friends, family, and life that I know back in Denver.
I tried to stay neutral about everything, trying not to make any decisions until I was able to talk to my family about it. The more I thought about it, however, the more comforting the idea of staying in the states started to become. I could watch my sister start college, I could keep hanging out with my friends and watching baseball games with my dad. I didn't have to pack up my most important belongings and move to a foreign country. Suddenly I realized that I had made my decision.
So, the bottom line is this: I'm not moving to London in the fall. I realize that this is a huge decision, and I'm upset that I won't be starting grad school in September, but I think about all the opportunities I have here and I don't feel so sad. Sure, the program at Roehampton was everything I wanted, but for the price I would pay to live in London, I just can't justify it. There are plenty of amazing programs to look into here, and the thought of staying closer to my friends and family fills me with such relief that I know this is the right decision. Right now, I'm going to try and defer for a year and see if I'll be ready to move to England in the fall, but I'm also going to look into schools here. This just feels like the right decision for me now, and I've got to go with that feeling.
Well, there ya have it. It feels good to get this off my chest, and thank you for listening, I know it was kinda rambling. I'll be posting about the rest of my trip (which was absolutely amazing by the way) soon. Byeeeeee!
On Thursday, May 28th, my best friend Kaitie and I arrived at Denver International Airport, passports in hand and backpacks stuffed full of clothes perfect for England in early June. The plan was the arrive in England and explore the city and to visit the University I was intent on studying at this coming September, as well as travel to Manchester and Brighton and basically spend a week backpacking around the country I was soon to call home. Unfortunately, our flight out got cancelled (I'll explain more in my next post which will be all about this trip), and we didn't have as much time in London as we had originally expected. Luckily, we were still able to tour the campus of the University of Roehampton, which is in southwest London, about half an hour's tube ride from central London.
The campus was absolutely stunning, and I was in love with it from the very beginning. There were sprawling grounds with beautiful fountains and flowers blooming everywhere. Students milled about and participated in school sanctioned activities, enjoying the small burst of warmer weather London was currently experiencing. Spring term was out for summer already, but there were plenty of students still on campus and it felt warm and inviting. It was incredible and everything I was hoping it would be. The more we worked our way through the campus, however, the quieter and more lost in thought I got. Sure, it was amazing, but suddenly it all felt so real. I tried to picture myself walking through the hallways, eating in the cafes, working out in the gym. For some reason, I couldn't actually picture myself there now that I was actually seeing it.
To be honest, it scared me. Suddenly seeing this amazing school, talking to all these amazing people, my impending move and uprooting of my life to attend school here felt so close all of a sudden. I decided to try not to think about it until I got back home, but it wasn't possible. Everything I did from then on reminded me of the fact that in a couple of months I would be here, on my own, four thousand miles away from my friends, family, and life that I know back in Denver.
I tried to stay neutral about everything, trying not to make any decisions until I was able to talk to my family about it. The more I thought about it, however, the more comforting the idea of staying in the states started to become. I could watch my sister start college, I could keep hanging out with my friends and watching baseball games with my dad. I didn't have to pack up my most important belongings and move to a foreign country. Suddenly I realized that I had made my decision.
So, the bottom line is this: I'm not moving to London in the fall. I realize that this is a huge decision, and I'm upset that I won't be starting grad school in September, but I think about all the opportunities I have here and I don't feel so sad. Sure, the program at Roehampton was everything I wanted, but for the price I would pay to live in London, I just can't justify it. There are plenty of amazing programs to look into here, and the thought of staying closer to my friends and family fills me with such relief that I know this is the right decision. Right now, I'm going to try and defer for a year and see if I'll be ready to move to England in the fall, but I'm also going to look into schools here. This just feels like the right decision for me now, and I've got to go with that feeling.
Well, there ya have it. It feels good to get this off my chest, and thank you for listening, I know it was kinda rambling. I'll be posting about the rest of my trip (which was absolutely amazing by the way) soon. Byeeeeee!
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