A Few Thoughts on Recent Events
I'm not going to broadcast that I wrote this. If you find it, that's great. This is a public blog after all. However, I am mostly writing this post for me, because right now I am struggling with some stuff and writing usually helps me work through tough situations.
Sunday morning, as everyone in the world knows by now, 49 people were killed in an Orlando nightclub. A few days before that, singer Christina Grimmie was murdered at a signing after her show in Florida. And every day so many people are killed in the middle east. Those we don't always hear about, but it still happens.
I cannot even begin to express the grief I feel while reading these stories and how helpless I feel reading about them from thousands of miles away. All I want to do is be with the people I love most in this world, most of which reside in Colorado. I want to hug them, tell them in person how much I love them and appreciate all the support they've always provided. I want to hunker down and watch Harry Potter movies with my sister and laugh until we cry. I want to feel the sunshine and breathe in the fresh air on walks with my parents. I want to say screw it and get extra frozen yogurt with my friend Kaitie and sing off key at the top of my lungs.
I am ANGRY. Angry that even in 2016 there is still such hatred in the world. I am angry that so many innocent people die every day because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am angry that there are individuals out there who feel they are in the position to take other's lives. I am angry that I have to be so fearful all the time, simply for being a woman. I can't even imagine how other people feel, people who are in the minority, whether that's because they're gay, of a different religion or skin colour. I am angry that these mass murders keep happening and that each time they do everyone thinks "this is it. This will be the event that forces gun law reformation." and it isn't. I am angry that when having conversations with Brits that I feel I have to defend the integrity of my country and it's people, and that I struggle to do so.
I am sad. Sad that I can remember so many mass shootings and that there are too many victims for me to remember all their names. Columbine, Sandy Hook, Aurora Theatre, Virginia Tech, Pulse, and all the countless others. I am sad for the families and friends who woke up without a loved one. I am sad for the victims, who's lives were cut short. Nobody deserves that. I am sad that I fear for my life as much as I do. I am 25 years old and found myself the other day taking stock of my life. What would people say about me if I were one of the victims of these shootings? What would define my life? I am so incredibly sad. I cannot even imagine the fear and pain these individuals suffered at the hands of one deranged human. It's not right, it's not fair, it doesn't make any sense.
I don't consider myself a very religious person. I often find I agree with points from many religions and enjoy hearing about them and learning about them more than I actually enjoy practicing just one religion. However, I find myself frantically seeking affirmation that there is in fact a heaven when disasters strike, because I so desperately want these people to be eternally happy, because they deserve nothing less. I try to live my life by seeing the best in everyone, however, the people who commit these sins do not deserve this, and I hope they get exactly what's coming to them.
I know there is no sense to these violent acts and I know change in gun laws will probably never happen, but if there is one thing that keeps me going is hope. Hope for change, hope for the families and friends of the victims, and hope for our future. I want nothing more than for my children to be able to walk down the street without the ever looming fear of possibly getting shot hanging over them. To the people killed in Pulse, I am so sorry. Sorry for everything. You did not deserve this. Nobody deserves this. To the killers, I am sorry. Sorry your life was so unfulfilled and empty you felt the need to take your anger and pain out on others. To America, I am sorry. Sorry we can't seem to fix this problem and while we idly sit twiddling our thumbs and pointing fingers at the other party, more innocent lives are cut short. To the world, I am sorry. Sorry we cannot see past colour, race, religion, orientation.
I don't really know how to end this, so I guess I'll end it by saying thank you for reading, and I hope wherever you are in the world, you are living and loving a life that makes you happy.
Sunday morning, as everyone in the world knows by now, 49 people were killed in an Orlando nightclub. A few days before that, singer Christina Grimmie was murdered at a signing after her show in Florida. And every day so many people are killed in the middle east. Those we don't always hear about, but it still happens.
I cannot even begin to express the grief I feel while reading these stories and how helpless I feel reading about them from thousands of miles away. All I want to do is be with the people I love most in this world, most of which reside in Colorado. I want to hug them, tell them in person how much I love them and appreciate all the support they've always provided. I want to hunker down and watch Harry Potter movies with my sister and laugh until we cry. I want to feel the sunshine and breathe in the fresh air on walks with my parents. I want to say screw it and get extra frozen yogurt with my friend Kaitie and sing off key at the top of my lungs.
I am ANGRY. Angry that even in 2016 there is still such hatred in the world. I am angry that so many innocent people die every day because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am angry that there are individuals out there who feel they are in the position to take other's lives. I am angry that I have to be so fearful all the time, simply for being a woman. I can't even imagine how other people feel, people who are in the minority, whether that's because they're gay, of a different religion or skin colour. I am angry that these mass murders keep happening and that each time they do everyone thinks "this is it. This will be the event that forces gun law reformation." and it isn't. I am angry that when having conversations with Brits that I feel I have to defend the integrity of my country and it's people, and that I struggle to do so.
I am sad. Sad that I can remember so many mass shootings and that there are too many victims for me to remember all their names. Columbine, Sandy Hook, Aurora Theatre, Virginia Tech, Pulse, and all the countless others. I am sad for the families and friends who woke up without a loved one. I am sad for the victims, who's lives were cut short. Nobody deserves that. I am sad that I fear for my life as much as I do. I am 25 years old and found myself the other day taking stock of my life. What would people say about me if I were one of the victims of these shootings? What would define my life? I am so incredibly sad. I cannot even imagine the fear and pain these individuals suffered at the hands of one deranged human. It's not right, it's not fair, it doesn't make any sense.
I don't consider myself a very religious person. I often find I agree with points from many religions and enjoy hearing about them and learning about them more than I actually enjoy practicing just one religion. However, I find myself frantically seeking affirmation that there is in fact a heaven when disasters strike, because I so desperately want these people to be eternally happy, because they deserve nothing less. I try to live my life by seeing the best in everyone, however, the people who commit these sins do not deserve this, and I hope they get exactly what's coming to them.
I know there is no sense to these violent acts and I know change in gun laws will probably never happen, but if there is one thing that keeps me going is hope. Hope for change, hope for the families and friends of the victims, and hope for our future. I want nothing more than for my children to be able to walk down the street without the ever looming fear of possibly getting shot hanging over them. To the people killed in Pulse, I am so sorry. Sorry for everything. You did not deserve this. Nobody deserves this. To the killers, I am sorry. Sorry your life was so unfulfilled and empty you felt the need to take your anger and pain out on others. To America, I am sorry. Sorry we can't seem to fix this problem and while we idly sit twiddling our thumbs and pointing fingers at the other party, more innocent lives are cut short. To the world, I am sorry. Sorry we cannot see past colour, race, religion, orientation.
I don't really know how to end this, so I guess I'll end it by saying thank you for reading, and I hope wherever you are in the world, you are living and loving a life that makes you happy.
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